15 Of The Best Relationship Reddit Updates That Made Us Rethink Our Love Lives

From Redditor u/rainbow_drizzle [not the OP]:

I recently broke off an engagement, due to my ex being a cheating whore. The ring I wore during the engagement was an heirloom willed to me by my late grandmother. It is traditional in my family that this ring is passed to the eldest daughter, and my mother had been keeping it safe for me until I found “the one.” My ex knew this and asked for it when he asked for my mother’s permission to propose. She gave it to him, and he had possession of it for less than 24 hours before he proposed.

Now that we’ve broken up, he’s demanding that I give him the ring back. He’s insistent that Alabama law makes it illegal for me to keep the ring, that in the event that an engagement ends, the ring MUST be returned to the man, period. I looked into it, and all I can find is that the ring belongs to whomever paid for it. When I told him this, he told me that I don’t have any claim on the ring, since I didn’t purchase it, I was only willed it, and that the fact that it was willed to me is irrelevant, since my mother “gave” it to him.

He’s demanding that I return the ring and any information I have about the insurance policy on it (it’s extremely old and much more valuable than your average… piece). He says that if I don’t return the ring by Monday, he’ll sue me for it or its value in court.

Can he seriously do this? This ring has been in my family since the 19th century. Does he really own it simply because a) he’s male or b) it sat in his pocket for less than a day? Would the fact that my mother was only storing it for me to keep it safe/maintain the surprise of an engagement matter? It wasn’t hers to give away.

Tl;dr: I was willed a family ring, and my ex used it to propose. Now he says he owns it because he’s a man and the ring always goes to the man.

Update:

I wanted to say thanks for all of the advice and support I got when I posted on here a while back. I was in a pretty s****y place, and I can’t describe how awesome it was to have literally hundreds of people telling me what a pathetic douche-chill my ex is.

As my title suggests, I don’t have a thrilling update for you. A lot of you warned me to be on the lookout for him trying to take back the ring himself, which my family and friends were also worried about. I’m very blessed to come from a large family, so on Monday afternoon a few of my male cousins/second cousins/concerned family friends (and their firearms) came to my apartment to “keep [me] company.” My female cousins didn’t want to be left out, so they came, too (several of them also toting firearms). Through a garbled family phone tree, one of my uncles completely misconstrued the purpose of the “family gathering at [my] house,” and arrived bearing a case of liquor and a massive Publix sheet cake. My grandfather eventually showed up with his banjo and some beautiful pictures of my grandmother wearing the ring in question.

As you can imagine, this turned into one of our better parties, and [my] “congratulations on not marrying an a**hole party” will live on in family lore.

Since my original post I’ve gotten a lot of extremely nice messages and calls from my ex’s family, all of whom are currently not speaking to him. (His brother called me the day after the Table Incident to ask what happened, and I told him the truth, which I can only assume was passed around.) His dad assured me that my ex won’t be trying to sue me for the ring, and told me that if I ever hear from my ex again, I should call his dad and he will “bring the pain.” He also sent me a gift card for several hundred dollars to Home Depot, in case I ever want to “make a better table for a better man.” Hopefully, that will be the last thing about this breakup that makes me cry…

From Redditor u/samalise09 [not the OP]:

My boyfriend got mad that I only spent $20 on him for a date

I (24F) went on a date with my bf (24M) recently in celebration of our one-year anniversary.

Money has been running tight recently since my bf was fired from his job recently for showing up high. I knew he was really upset about the whole situation so I wanted to cheer him up, and I thought taking him out to dinner for our one-year anniversary (which was coming up) was the perfect way to do so.

I took my boyfriend to one of my favorite restaurants from my childhood. It wasn’t a high-end restaurant because I make like 1/3 of what he used to make, but nevertheless he loved the interior design of the restaurant and the food.

We were having a great time until the waitress came and told us our combined bill was going to be a little under $45 after tax and tip. My bf looked at me weirdly but I thought I imagined it so I ignored him and paid the bill. After the waitress left to get a box for our takeouts he turned to me and asked, “So that’s how much you value our relationship after one whole year of being together?” I was confused and he said, “You only spent $40 on our one-year anniversary date.”

I asked ,”What’s wrong with that? And plus the prices were printed on the menu.”

He said, “You were supposed to pay. Why would I have looked at the prices? And every time we went out I always spend hundreds of dollars on you.” I didn’t response because I didn’t want to cause a scene and he raised his voice and said, “I see how it is. I’m only worth $20 dollars to you.”

Then he left the table and told me I can take an Uber home. I feel really bad and I apologized many times but he’s still mad at me (understandably) and things have been awkward.

Update:

First of[f], I just want to thank everyone for the overwhelming amount of support and private messages. I have read all of them, and it warms my heart how caring internet strangers can be.

I just ended my relationship with [my] boyfriend. I’ll try to keep this post as short as possible and try to refrain my emotions from seeping through.

I can forgive him for showing up high at work and losing his job; everyone makes mistakes. But recently he’s made it real clear that he won’t be trying to find another job in the near future, so I know our relationship isn’t going to be sustainable.

Also, I’m not a drug user myself but I’ve always been okay with him using it from time to time. But recently all he does is get himself high in front of the television and he’s stopped taking care of himself and I’m really, really scared for him. I’m scared his body can’t handle it.

He’s still icy with me, about our last date and probably because the drugs cloud his mind, and we haven’t really had a real conversation since then. I decided to formally end things and I phoned his parents and told them about his condition and right now he’s living with them and I hope they can help him better than I can.

From Redditor u/redditmademegay [not the OP]:

I’m proposing to my girlfriend of two years on Valentine’s Day, which is also our anniversary! And I’m currently hiding in the bathroom while she’s asleep so I can just cry about how much I love her without waking her up. We’re pretty much re-creating our first date and at the end as we’re walking on the beach like we did on our first date, we’re gonna walk up to this point where her family and friends will have set up a picnic table with a charcuterie board and the ring box. I’ll then pick up the ring, get on one knee, tell her how much I love her and ask her to marry me!

Her family and friends will be watching close by and will then come and celebrate with us on the beach. Two of her friends that live in other states flew in to surprise her and to be here for it! I can’t wait to see her face when she realizes we’ve all planned this out for months now and they took time off work to make it here and surprise her. She’s the best person I’ve ever met and every day with her feels like the best day of my life as cheesy as that sounds. She makes the bad days not as bad. I never knew love could be this amazing until I met her. I never knew true love until I met her. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams! This is a throwaway account so I figured this is the perfect place to just happy rant where I know she’ll never see this post. I could text a friend all of this, but it’s been hard enough keeping the texts about the proposal secret/avoiding her seeing any info about it, so reddit is the perfect place for late-night happy rambles. Okay, now I gotta collect myself and go cuddle my adorable sleeping soon to be fiance. ?

Edit: we’ve been talking about getting engaged for about a year now. We’re both women and always joke about who’s going to beat who to proposing first. I’m determined to propose first! She’s always said I can never surprise her and on Monday I’m going to prove her wrong and I can’t wait! There are so many surprises in store for her! But point is yes, were both definitely on the same page about what we want and I know she’ll say yes(:

Update:

SHE SAID YES!!! I’d include pictures if I could but it says this community doesn’t allow pictures. We went to the same restaurant we went to for our first date, and after, we walked a local beach where her family and friends were waiting nearby on the pier. As we walked closer to the pier she noticed a picnic table that had been set up with aesthetic fairy lights, pictures of us and a charcuterie board. On the board with the food was the ring box. It took her a second to realize it was there and when she did her jaw dropped and she goes, “Oh my god is that?” And before she could even finish her sentence I go, “surprise baby,” and grab the ring box, kneel on one knee, grab her hand and profess my love to her. I then ask her to make me the happiest woman on earth and marry me. And she said YES!!

Then her family and friends [including] some friends she hadn’t seen since before the pandemic ran over to the beach to celebrate with us! We spent another hour or so taking pictures, dancing to music with our friends and family, eating amazing food, getting a little wine drunk haha and just having an amazing time. We’re back home now and I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. I’m so lucky! I’m so happy I can finally call her my fiance!!!

From Redditor u/prettiergenghis [not the OP]:

Hi. I’m at a loss of what to do. Me (F25)and my fiance (M24) have been in a relationship for three years, four years coming up in March. He popped the question a few months ago and I was so excited. I really feel like he is “the one” for me; he’s amazing in so many ways and I genuinely feel like he feels the same way. Or at least I did.

Last night we ordered takeout for dinner and we were going to watch the newest Rings of Power episode. He was acting incredibly weird, not very talkative and very fidgety. He usually sits pretty still or relaxed, but he kept bouncing his leg and tapping his fingers. Eventually about halfway through the episode he pauses it and says he wants to talk about something extremely important. He sounded so nervous and I immediately got this sinking feeling but I told him everything was okay, just to tell me what was going on.

He said it had been on his mind for a while and he didn’t know if it was just the nerves of realizing he’s about to be married, but he realized that I’m his first “real” relationship. Before me he had only dated a couple people in high school and it was never long-lasting. I asked him where he was going with this and he started crying. He said he was scared since he didn’t have a lot of “experience” with other people he was worried if he was making the right decision. Obviously that f***ing hurt to hear but I didn’t say anything. After dancing around the subject for a bit he finally just said he was thinking an open relationship would be good for us. At least for a little bit.

Honestly the second half of this conversation is a blur because my anxiety was so bad I was hardly listening. He said he loved me and he knows he wants [to] marry me “no matter what,” but he wants to see what other people were like before getting into a lifelong marriage. He cried throughout the whole conversation and he kept reassuring me that I wasn’t the problem, he just wanted to “experience” other people since he never really was able to. He said if I agreed to an open relationship there would be lots of rules in place and it would all be very safe.

I feel like our relationship is ruined. I’m obviously not okay with an open relationship. He said I could see other people too but I don’t want to. I only have eyes for him. I only want him. I only love him. He kept saying I have every right to say no and he would understand and he would never make me [do] something I didn’t want to do. But the thing is, since he brought this up, if I say no then I’m constantly going to think he’s seeing people anyway. It’s already happening. I used to have complete trust in him but now I can’t stop thinking if he’s already seeing other people. Maybe he’s bringing this up because he cheated on me and he needs an excuse now. Idk. My mind is everywhere. I don’t know what to do. I told him I would think about it and he hugged me. He didn’t let go for a long time. I slept on the couch last night I told him I just needed to be alone. Any advice is so so so much appreciated.

Update:

Well. The update isn’t great. We called off the engagement and broke up. He swears up and down he didn’t do anything but he confessed he brought it up because he had a crush on someone and wanted to try it out.

I had been staying at my friend’s house for a few days trying to figure out what I wanted to do. A lot of the people in the comments were a huge help to me mentally; I appreciate a lot of you so much. I probably would have gone through with it but you guys pushed me to ask more questions. I asked him what made him start thinking about it and at first he went right back to his “experience” bulls***. I told him if he wanted to “experiment” sexually I would be more than happy to try some things out and I wasn’t going to be accepting that as his answer. After a while he caved in and admitted that a girl who works at a coffee shop he visits often asked him for his number and that’s when he started to think about it. I was heartbroken and angry to say the least. He had said if we got into an open relationship, people we knew would be off limits. He said she didn’t count as someone he knew because he wasn’t friends with her and she was still technically a stranger. I told him he DID know her; he goes almost every day and she’s very friendly with us. [B]ut either way it didn’t matter because he had already told me there was no one he had in mind. He lied to me.

After some more arguing and crying from both of us he told me if I didn’t want the open relationship then to just say no and we could move on from this. He was basically begging me not to talk about it anymore; he just wanted to move on. I told him it wasn’t that easy because I straight up do not trust him anymore. As far as I know, he could have already “experimented” with her. He promised me he never cheated on me and never will. He said he would never go to that coffee place again and if he saw her he would ignore her.

I told him he could see other people, I just wouldn’t be in the picture. He got frantic and asked me if I was breaking up with him. I said yes.

I told him a year from now or even a couple years from now, after he gets all his “experience” out of his system and I’m still single and interested we can try again. From the beginning. No engagement. I personally don’t see us getting back together but he was crying and clinging onto me. Honestly I’m disgusted.

I’m mostly sad though. Heartbroken. P***ed off. Lost. Confused. Anxious. We had our whole life planned out and ready for us and it got ruined by a stupid f***ing crush he had the nerve to ask to “try out” because of “lack of experience”

I’m heading out in a bit to get drunk with some girl friends. I know a few people wanted an update. Sorry it wasn’t very happy. Thank you for all of the advice.

From Redditor u/ThatNeonSignLover [not the OP]:

My (21F) age gap relationship is causing my friends to show their true colours and it’s really starting to bother me.

I (21F) have been dating [“S”] (29M) for a few months; we are both independent people. I live on my own and have my own space. I am working towards my nursing degree and I’m currently [working] at a hospital nearby.

[S] and I met a few months back at a bar and really hit it off. [S] looks young for his age; he actually looks to be around my age honestly, and when I found out he was one year away from turning 30 I really didn’t believe him. [H]e jokingly showed his ID to me to prove it, and truly I was shocked at first. We continued going out on dates though, and we both ended up developing feelings for each other. Here we are now a few months later, and we are as happy as can be, and truly enjoy every moment we have together. He supports me in any of my ventures, and I support him all the same.

Now, onto the problem. When I first started seeing [S] my friends were very supportive, they were happy for me and glad that I found someone I really got along with! That is until they found out how old he was, after stalking his Facebook (I didn’t tell them because I don’t think it’s something that needs to be disclosed; I never disclosed ages in my past relationships… So I don’t know what would be different about this). They were immediately judgmental, and told me he was using me for sex, or to just be a young girl on his arm, etc. I felt offended by this, and yes, they can have their own opinions, but it really hurt me that they had turned to judge like this, as it wasn’t expected from them (they “dated” much much older men, meaning men in their fifties/sixties).

I explained that it was nothing like that, and they shot back with he will probably want to trap me and lock me in for life, so I’ll have to be reliant on him. I told them that they were out of line with what they were saying. They’ve turned to threatening me, and telling me they’ll never speak to me again if I continue with this relationship, and I’m left in shock.

TLDR; my friends don’t like the age gap in my current relationship and they’re threatening me and telling me that they’ll never speak to me again if I stay in this relationship with Sam.

EDIT: I am trying to respond to everyone who has commented. I wasn’t expecting this kind of engagement on this post.

EDIT 2: I also recommend looking at my other replies before jumping to the conclusion that I didn’t hear my friends out. I gave them several chances and wanted to know what they had found, etc. All they kept saying was the age gap comments.

Update:

I posted here a few days ago about my age gap relationship. I’m using a throwaway account now because I tried posting the update on Choice-primary-9495 and accidentally went against the post rules, and then when I tried reposting it didn’t allow me to!…

I decided to dig in a lot more on my friends and pressure them a bit more into telling me what was really going on, apart from hearing the excuse of my relationship being a problem because of the age gap, and lo and behold, there was never really anything wrong with [S] in the first place. The truth came out very angrily after I had kept pressing my friend group.

The night that we all went to the bar (I didn’t think I needed to mention they were with me that night – I don’t go to bars alone; I rarely go to bars in general cause of my shifts at work), one of my friends actually kept approaching [S] at the bar area where he and his friends were. She was attracted to him, and she was flirting with him. He wasn’t interested and didn’t really respond back in the way she wanted him to. This is just a condensed version of what they all told me.

I didn’t see this at all, and she did end her night early; it came out that she left early because of this “rejection.” They told me I was betraying them because an hour or two after this happened I started talking to him, more because he was wearing a shirt from a band that I like (it was from a concert that had actually happened recently too, I have the same one). It wasn’t a flirty conversation, it was very casual. [A]t the end of the night he asked for my number and it went on from there. I had no idea about this situation and I kept repeating that to them, and they kept asking if I was going to break up with him now.

I don’t think this is a justified reason to break up with someone at all, I like him, we get along very well, we have plenty of things in common, he cares about me and I care about him, and he has truly made my life even better, and on top of it he treats me well and hasn’t done anything bad to me. Maybe I’m dense and don’t see it in the way they do though…

From Redditor u/red_earaches [not the OP]:

Maybe this is the wrong place but I’m going to explode with rage and disappointment at my family.

My baby sister is the golden child. Or maybe that’s unfair to say. She survived cancer when she was a child. It was the darkest period of my parents’ life. I don’t remember much of it because my parents shielded me from the horrific truth. I knew she was sick and I remember all my childhood spent in hospitals but never did I know that my sister almost died until many many years later. I was 12 and she was 10. After she beat her sickness she became the obvious favorite in the house. She got everything she wanted and sometimes it was at my expense. I resented that but I always heard that I was a naughty girl for being jealous of my hero sister. My sister grew up to be a brat. Now 20 years later she’s still bratty although we get along a lot better than when we were teenagers/young adults.

My wedding is in July. Neither my fiance nor I have the money for a big wedding. We settled for [a] small wedding (30 people) at my fiance’s grandparents’, who have a beautiful house with [a] lake view. My parents when they heard this said no way and offered to pay for a bigger wedding and better venue. We didn’t agree at first but later we did not want to disappoint them. It seemed like it was important to them.

Last week my mom invited me over. My dad, mom and my sister’s boyfriend asked me what I would think if my sister’s boyfriend proposed to my sister during the wedding so it becomes an engagement party as well as a wedding ([my mom has seen reels on Instagram about people proposing to maid of honors/bridesmaids and thought it cute; my sister is my maid of honor). I said NO, that’s ridiculous, and laughed. My mom was livid. She told me I was selfish and ungrateful and I accused her of favoritism. I told her I always thought it was odd that you’d pay for my wedding but now I know the reason why. She started crying and kicked me out of the house.

Later both she and my future brother-in-law sent me texts warning me [about] exposing their plan to my sister. My fiance was disappointed but not sure what we could do. My parents have spent almost $30K and it’s too late to cancel.

My mother called me today to plan the proposal and I begged her not to ruin my day. She told me since she was paying she can make requests and that I should let go of my jealousy and resentment towards my sister because she’s innocent in all of this. But the thing is, this day will be about my sister.

I told my fiance to ask his grandparents if they’re still willing to host my wedding. If [they are] I’ll revert to our original plan. If not I will just elope. Not sure yet if I’m going to tell my family and cancel the wedding or just let them have their grand proposal party. None of my family is invited to my wedding, including my sister.

Thank you for listening.

I can’t tell her since she has no idea her bf is going to propose and this would ruin the whole thing. At the same time it would be ruined anyway when I elope and she wonders why. But as of this morning, my mom still says they’re going ahead with the proposal even without my help (the original plan is that I should be the one making the speech and telling my sister there’s a surprise for her and today is about us two bla bla bla, and then her girlfriends and boyfriend do some rehearsed dance to their favorite song and then he proposes).

If I know her well she wouldn’t mind being proposed to on my wedding day, so it’s a lose-lose situation for me. Sometimes I think maybe I should agree and get it over with, but I’m so angry and my fiancé actually doesn’t want me to cave this time, since we both were happy with the backyard wedding. We even asked [my] mom to donate what she had planned on spending on the wedding to the childhood cancer fund in our names like what we’ve requested as a wedding gift from our guests, but she insisted on a party for the extended family.

I had a back and forth texting with my future brother-in-law where he called me jealous and bitter. I have now blocked him. He texted my fiance apologizing but we didn’t answer.

My plan now is to get married a week earlier at my grandparents-in-law with 20 guests, because we have managed to change our honeymoon trip booking to be three instead of two weeks, with departure day the morning after the wedding.

My mom’s wedding is already paid in full with no refund possibilities with such short notice (three weeks). That was the whole point I think. To spring this information on me so close to the wedding date so I can’t really do anything about it. Now they will have one week’s heads-up anyway when they see my wedding pictures on social media. They will probably just turn the wedding into an engagement party and have a blast! So its a win-win I hope.

Update:

I really want to thank everyone that showed me support. I’m now happily married and in Como, Italy, for my honeymoon. I tried to stay away from my phone but I was so curious to see my family’s reaction to my elopement a week earlier than planned. It was really ugly.

I must start with saying that I really tried my best to negotiate and compromise with my family and truly explain that this was hurting me. I have nothing against my sister and tbh nothing against her getting engaged on my wedding, but the principle that it was made very clear to me that I had absolutely no opinion or say in what was going to happen on what supposed to be my special day was where I drew the line. It wasn’t a wish or a request. It was a matter of fact and it was decided. So I told my mom that I’m NOT going to attend the party she’s paid for. Maybe they should just make it an engagement party instead. She got very upset and told me that the engagement was supposed to be a surprise. I told her that I was just giving her the heads-up since she’s about to lose an insane amount of money. She didn’t take me seriously, like I wasn’t going to cancel my wedding because of a trivial thing. What she didn’t know is that I’ve already made plans to get married a week earlier at my grandparents-in-law. We invited our closest friends and some even had to book earlier flights and take more vacation days; for these people I was extra grateful.

What was left was my sister. I’d been back and forth arguing and negotiating with my parents and FBIL. I decided that even if this would ruin her surprise, I had to tell her so I did. She wasn’t really happy with my mom but she was more upset that I ruined her surprise and she, as I expected, thought I could’ve just sucked it up and gone with the flow. I didn’t tell her about my new wedding date.

The wedding was dreamlike! In the back of my head I was hurt the people who “loved” me the most weren’t there but I pushed that thought away and refused to let it ruin our day. My husband was amazing; he promised to make me happy for the rest of my life and to make up for every heartbreak I’ve experienced in my past. My in-laws surprised us with upgrading our honeymoon to a five-star hotel. I had my friends and some cousins and my favorite aunt attending. We asked them not to livestream or upload any pictures to SM until we’re already on our honeymoon. We also asked them not to engage in any altercations online with my family.

Today my mom made long FB/Twitter/Instagram posts bashing me and my husband. Calling me ungrateful and disrespectful, with pictures of my wedding. Telling people I’ve cost her a big chunk of her savings and she’s now demanding compensation. Her FB post was shared about 200 times and the majority of my extended family is angry with me. She never once tried to contact me (I really thought she would bombard my phone); instead, both her and my dad announced that they’re cutting me off and are expecting compensation . FBIL commented that I ruined his surprise and my sister made a post about being tired of jealous b’s and haters. None of the people we invited has commented even [though] some of them were directly attacked, so they respected our wishes.

I don’t know if they’re going to go ahead and turn the wedding into an engagement party now. I really hope they do so the money isn’t wasted. It’s on Saturday.

I’m sorry the update got too long but with the amount of people asking for an update I hope this was what you wanted…

OP confirms that the wedding did end up being a party for her sister.

Yes they did and they blew the internet with pictures and posts about how magical the night was. Little sister made sure to write about haters not ruining her special day and how she’s surrounded by the people that mattered. From what I gathered about 30%-40% of the guests that were invited showed up.

From Redditor u/toohottooheavy [not the OP]:

Background: I’m 28 with no kids. My girlfriend is 26 and has an 8 year old son from her previous relationship. She was with the guy since they were kids, but when she got pregnant, he dropped the ball. She had it pretty hard during the early years and it was a huge struggle for her to balance work, school and her son. She made it work and is now in law school. (The kid’s dad made a change about three years back when his own father died and has since been helping.) We’ve been together for a year and two months and I really do love her.

However, when we first got together she did mention that she doesn’t see herself having other kids because it was incredibly hard, she values her time alone when her kid is away, and she wants to travel with her son being that he’s bigger now. Also that she has a school-age kid and doesn’t want to start over with an infant. We were too early for me to complain about it or try to change her mind. It wasn’t b[r]ought up again for some time.

Fast forward to last night, we were watching something and I mentioned that my coworker has left work to have her fourth kid. She said that she couldn’t imagine having that many kids. I got a little offended being that my parents had five. She told me that that’s what worked for my parents, but it wouldn’t work for her. I asked why and she listed the reasons above and that four kids is “just excessive.” I tried to reason it down to three or even two. She said she doesn’t want any children but her son.

The way I see it, the only reason it was so hard was because of her age when she first had him. My logic is that any future children we produce will be secure and she won’t be alone or have to struggle. For background, I have four siblings while she has one sister who lives in another state. She doesn’t understand how important siblings are. I told her if she’s unwilling to have even one child for me in the future then we’re done. She agreed and said we’re done then and I’m incredibly hurt.

This is a hill she’s willing to die on. She’s super smart, but so hard-headed. No matter what I said all night, she wouldn’t hear it or budge her views at all. I’m hurt because I made the empty threat and she very easily went through with it. I’m not feeling valued at all. I love this woman and the thought of us having an expiration date kills me. I want to marry her and have kids with her and she’s just uninterested. She also said I was being an a**hole and not taking her experiences into account when I totally am! I acknowledge how hard it was for her which is why I think she would have a totally different experience if she tried again. She’s not 18 anymore and will have me by her side.

I want her back but don’t know what to say. She seemed very certain when she agreed to the breakup.

Please tell me AITA?

Update:

Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self-wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt-trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.”

That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is.

I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened.

I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me.

And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a s*** about what I was b****ing about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self-reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest.

From Redditor u/Direct-Caterpillar77 [not the OP]:

My ex and I divorced three years ago. She was cheating, but at this point I don’t care about the relationship anymore. The pending lawsuit has nothing to do with her or him, but rather their actions.

My ex and I have a son (13M) that we split time with 50/50. He’s a great kid [whose] interests have changed a lot… as I imagine more kids/teenagers tend to do through the years.

One thing my son was heavily into at some point was Legos. He use to play with them all the time, and personally I think they’re a great toy for different reasons. I use to love playing them with him, and to this day I still collect boxes that I leave unopened as a collection.

Well, my ex and I divorced; she got with someone who loved Legos more, I guess? From what I know he loves making creations and building the sets… I don’t care… seems cool. He does one thing I think is very, very weird.. He uses crazy glue so the sets can’t break or pieces can’t be lost. It seems so weird to me.

The issue is, I was out of town for all of three days last week for medical reasons, and my son wanted to get his PS4 so he could play it at his mom’s. This isn’t out of the ordinary at all and he has a key, so he let me know he would be stopping over for it. I told him to have fun when I saw him on the entry camera. My wife’s husband was with him, which was a no-no. I told him via speaker to not go in and to wait on the porch.

He flinched but walked in anyway. I sent my ex a text telling her to call him and tell him he’s one minute away from a cop call. He left my home with a bag in hand, which I didn’t think much of because my son had his games too.

Well, my son texted me later that evening and said he didn’t know it at the time but he’s pretty sure [his stepdad] took some of my sets. These are all old sets and two are worth big money. When I got home I confirmed the missing sets and called my ex. She had no idea, but he admitted he took them, but it was so [our] son could have the sets to complete his collection… My son doesn’t even like Legos anymore and told his mom he wouldn’t steal from me.

My wife asked how much it would cost to replace them and unfortunately it’s more than their savings. Actually, it would take their house down payment plus more. I told them if they didn’t pay in two weeks I was suing and pressing charges. The price in the sets makes it a felony.

My ex and her husband are saving for a house, which would give my son more space when he’s there, but those sets were going [to] help pay for his education someday or a home of his own. I filed the police report and have talked to a lawyer and we’re moving forward with the suit.

Everyone is calling me a joke because they are just toys, but I don’t get it. They are worth real money. I’m not rich, guys. I needed those to help with my son’s future… but again taking this money does deny my son things at his moms house.

AITA here??

Edit: … The sets have been opened, which more than [halved] their worth, and one was glued together. The damage was done already.

[Some  of the] stolen items are:

King’s Castle milk truck… And the glued one was a Star Wars snow speeder.

Some of these are one piece of a larger set. So if you lose one of five, you lose the value of one produc[t] plus the value of the set as a whole…

I know I haven’t been here much but I have read many of your comments and taken them to heart… Calling me names in my private message was not called for, and I am not a scalper. I enjoy buying these sets and do not intend to sell all of them, but I want my son to go to college and not worry about debt, so I want to sell the ones that I can to help. I never had the smarts for higher education but my son is not me, and I love him and want him to do better.

Around 4:00 PM I called the local state police and met at their facility. I gave them all I had and gave my statement.

My son is with me starting tonight, so when I picked him up I sent him into GameStop and called his mom. I told her I had filed charges and I asked the cop to call me when everything was done so I could give him the opportunity to turn himself in. I wanted to be better than he treated me…

I told my son when we got home what I did and why. My son said that I did the right thing because he didn’t want his stepdad to think it was okay to do it again, and if he didn’t go to jail he’d rather be her[e] away from him so it isn’t weird.

Update:

…I have received a few requests regarding posting an update and I did promise to update the situation once it was resolved, and as far as I have any say the headache is over for the most part. I can’t say that I feel whole, but I’m not angry about it as I think the consequences are something to respect.

I read through most of the comments and really appreciate the time most of you took out of your day to offer advice and well wishes. I know I didn’t respond to all of them, but your time and care were noticed. I accept all your judgments, but I must say your kindness blew me away, while some took time out of their day just to be mean, which is on you, I guess. I understand Legos are toys, but I enjoy the hunt and it’s worth it to me.

As I said, I decided to go to the police with the video, my statement, texts from my ex, and emails. I told the police I wanted this pursued as he had entered my house after being told not to and stole valuables. They took everything I had to offer and as of yesterday, my ex’s [husband] was arrested for a few different violations/laws. He was charged with grand larceny and breaking and entering, among a few other charges. My ex is really upset at me and him; however, she bailed him out so l’m guessing she isn’t to[o] upset with him.

Ex’s [husband] has called a few times and showed up once. He left the used sets on my porch, and I’m not sure what he thinks that does at this stage. They aren’t worthless, but their value is less than half. I told my lawyer he did this and she was blown away. I sent an email to my ex telling her and him to stay away from me and my home, and I only wanted to hear from her if it was concerning our child. This was his first offense to my knowledge, so I don’t expect him to do jail time; however, my lawyer said it was possible due to the amount of crimes and when/how they took place. Apparently doing that during the day is worse and he did it in front of my child, which doesn’t help him…

I spoke to the lawyer on Tuesday this week regarding the loss, and unfortunately l’m looking at a tough road ahead of me. The pieces stolen are valued at what they sell at auction… the local DA will decide which auctions are reputable. So, that could go different ways; moreover, the fact the [guy] broke up my sets [was] irrelevant. The lawyer said it would be like stealing one baseball card out of an entire set and burning it. You are only owed the value of that one card EVEN IF YOU CAN’T GET THAT ONE CARD AGAIN! The fact he returned them is a[n] admission of guilt, she said, and… we could definitely reclaim the amount of money an unopened set for each would be worth, but it doesn’t make the matter better in my opinion.

I know a lot of you thought $10K-$20K wasn’t nearly enough for a house down payment, but in my neck of the woods it’s plenty, and my lawyer recommended we go forward with a civil suit and I agreed. With that and the legal charges I feel that is well enough. I will have enough in savings and “Lego stock” lol to fund his four years at a good state school. I wish I could do more, but you can’t win them all.

My son has been staying with me full time as he feels its awkward at his mom’s, and he’s pretty upset at his mom about the whole thing, but l’m trying to smooth that over best I can considering the circumstances. He’s asked to stay here full time, which I support, and told his mom as much. I told her we could do it through the courts or keep it simple, and I think she wants to keep it simple.I haven’t thought much about child support, but I don’t think asking for a small amount would be bad. I don’t want to break my ex, but our kid should come first.

Thank you to everyone for their well wishes and thoughts. Best of luck to everyone out there. Again, if you have any questions l’ll try my best to answer them…

From Redditor u/swankycelery [not the OP]:

I met this girl I’ll call Katie at a school event about a year ago and we really clicked and soon made things official. I understand that I saw things partly through rose-colored glasses, but I really, really liked this girl to the point that I started thinking she might be the one. We just matched well on every level, have similar hobbies, but importantly I thought she was a really good and kind person.

Now something happened that really made me reevaluate things. We were sitting in bed and she was texting and laughing about something. I glanced at the phone and saw the Tinder profile of a guy, which made me think wtf. When she went to take a shower, I am not super proud of this, I admit I snooped given what I thought I saw and checked her phone.

When her phone opened up it turns out that she wasn’t on Tinder, but rather on a group chat with some friends and the Tinder pic was a screenshot. Of course that was a relief, but the rest of the context was just as bad in some ways. The group chat was basically a one-topic channel, where the theme was roasting the guys they hooked up with or were dating. And it was very explicit, talking about specific guys, together with their pics and joking about their inadequacy in bed or even how ill-endowed they were. As far as I scrolled I wasn’t featured on there, but I saw Katie herself write really mean comments; e.g., about a guy her friend was with who got emotional during sex, basically calling him a pathetic loser.

I was just shocked to read those comments, because it seemed so out of character for her. When she got back in the room I fessed up to the snooping and confronted her. Surprisingly she wasn’t really mad, but she also wasn’t remorseful in the least. She said the chat was with her closest friends and they always talked about everything. I told her I thought it was really f***ed up to talk this way about other people, especially since it wasn’t just randos. I recognized a few mutual friends discussed on there in an explicit way and I am sure they didn’t consent to that information being discussed. But again she got really defensive, said those were her closest friends and what they talk about is their business. I asked her if she talked about us as well, and she refused to answer.

The conversation kind of tapered off at that point since we both realized we were too emotional and not getting anywhere, but I still feel very uncomfortable with the situation. I am afraid to be overreacting, but I am very seriously thinking about ending the relationship. I can’t believe I am dating someone who thinks it’s okay to treat other people this way and join in the public humiliation of people who did nothing wrong.

But I would like some outside perspective from others if they’ve been in any kind of similar situation and/or if they think I am blowing this out of proportion.

tl;dr: My GF is part of a kind of group chat where they roast guys they’ve been with, including by sharing private information. The situation makes me extremely uncomfortable to the point that feel I want to end the relationship.

Update:

This all actually happened a few days after my original post, but things have been pretty hectic since then, but I wanted to write a quick update since I got some useful advice in the first thread. The best advice was to insist on seeing the chat one last time to see if she had written anything about me. She initially said no, because it also has private information about her friends, etc.… But I basically said if she doesn’t let me see the texts it’s over and she reluctantly agreed, but told me to keep in mind that this was a year ago and how much we grew as a couple since then blablabla.

I scrolled to the period when we started dating and yeah sure enough there I was in the texts. It actually made me feel really weird reading other people talking about me. Right around the time we first slept together someone asked her if I was better than some guy (apparently a former FWB of hers). Without missing a beat she fires back no, that it was kinda disappointing because I was nervous and had some performance anxiety and then actually went into detail about what we did. She knew I was feeling anxious since I hadn’t been with anyone in a while after a bad breakup and she was supporting in person, so it felt extra s****y that behind my back she was complaining about me. A friend of hers even mocked me and she said nothing.

Katie saw the look on my face and tried to tell me again that we grew so much and things became really good when we got comfortable with each other and connected. She even showed me a text where she said that to her friends. But honestly at that point I was already done. I asked her to move out and after a bit of drama and nasty words, she moved her stuff to her mother’s place.

As others said, I have no doubt they are not talking s*** about me together, but honestly I could not care less what those pieces of s*** are chattering about, I just never want to see any of them ever again.

From Redditor u/toohottooheavy [not the OP]:

I’m a beautician (F35) married to an engineer (M34). He is very intelligent and I’m always proud of him. He has a colleague who is also very intelligent (F31), obviously, that he is close to. Before the events that lead me to this moment of seeking help online, I never had any reason to be uncomfortable about his relationship with her. I always felt secure in our relationship. We’re both independent people who would just leave if we weren’t happy together. We’ve been together for five years, married for 1.5.

My husband and I were on a three-day trip with my husband’s colleagues, a tradition at his work every autumn. We came home yesterday morning. I had a bad taste in my mouth after this trip. It felt like me and the colleague’s partner (M35ish) [were] the third (and fourth) wheel to my husband and his colleague during the entire trip. During dinner the second night. I was sitting silently playing with my food after almost two days of being ignored. The partner was also silent at first but we started talking a bit asking each other generic questions.

The colleague, who was in a very loud argument with my husband (more of a back-and-forth teasing), suddenly turned around and asked what we two (partner and me) were up to talking quietly. Her partner said that were just getting to know each other since they (husband and colleague) were too busy talking about things we knew nothing about. The colleague laughed and said: “What could we discuss with you? Makeup and Kim Kardashian?” and she nodded towards me. “We have more intelligent things to discuss.”

I was dumbfounded. I guess because I’m a beautician I can only discuss Kim Kardashian? I mean any outsider to any profession would be dumb listening into two people discussing work-related subjects. They could’ve been as ignorant if I was talking to my co-workers about our job. My husband just laughed and the partner said: “That’s rude.” I said nothing because I had distaste for the whole situation. On the last day of the trip I spent most of my time with the partner. I ignored the other two.

Yesterday evening the partner dm-ed me and wanted to talk about our SOs. He said that he has been feeling uncomfortable about his gf’s relationship with my husband and that he went through her messages. He sent me screens where my husband and his colleague are basically calling me stupid and shallow and laugh about it.

Well, mostly the colleague saying mean things and my husband laughing and adding in. Sometimes he would say something like: “No I love her” (about me) and she would answer: “You only like bangin’ hot dumb chicks,” and they laugh. When the texts aren’t about my stupidity, they’re about work and in one of them my husband wrote “I love your brain!!!” to her.

I started crying when I saw the screenshots. Never have I ever felt so self-conscious about my brains or profession. I love my job and I thought my husband loved it too or at least didn’t have this disdain for it. I’ve been my own boss for over 10 years and I make closer to six figures. I never thought myself as a dumb person. I like to think that I’m fairly well-informed and I have passion for history, languages, cultures, etc., but yes, I’m not an engineer working on some design for artificial hearts. Still, the texts complimenting the colleague hurt me more than the ones making fun of me. I don’t know why.

I think my husband and his colleague are out of line at best and, well, probably screwing. I still don’t know what to do. The last thing I wanna be is the insecure wife. If he isn’t happy with me why is he here?

ps: I wrote this post last night and fell asleep afterwards. This morning I just went to work. OMG guys! Thank you so much for the support and the beautiful words. I will try to read all your comments and messages. I just wanted to make this edit to explain why I haven’t answered any of you. I’m sorry and thank you. I will talk to my husband tonight or maybe tomorrow. I will make an update about my situation.

Update:

Sorry I did’t come back earlier to make an update, I was mentally exhausted and of course busy discussing Kim K. Anyway I want to apologize for not answering your messages because I got over 200 asking for updates. I really hope you can find this.

I have talked to my husband. I just told him that I have talked to work wife’s BF and showed him the messages I was sent. My husband asked [me] why her BF was spying on his gf and I told him that it was because he did’t like the way things went down on the trip. I told him how I too was very uncomfortable.

He was very confused and told me that work wife obviously was jealous and that I shouldn’t care about her. I told him that she didn’t bother [me] as much as the fact that he was fine – no, amused – by her attempts to bring me down the entire time. So much, in fact, that her BF was so uncomfortable that he went through her phone. I also asked him why he was letting her [trash-talk] me in their texts.

Again he insisted that he just felt that she was petty and jealous and didn’t want to stoop to her level. He said that I did the same when I ignored her rudeness and he thought that was the classy thing to do. I asked him why she was doing this. Was there anything between them, and to please tell me now before it got more complicated? He said of course not, and if there was something from her end then that wasn’t his problem because he loved me and so on and so forth. I asked him about him “loving her brain” and he said it was strictly about something work-related and offered to show me the conversation.

Next day I was still brooding, so he came to me, kissed me and apologized, and told me that I was right and that he was being stupid but that he never thought about it as disrespect but some female jealousy that he thought was pitiful and beneath him. He promised to do better. I told him that if somebody was trashing you like this in front of me, no matter how petty their reasons were or how pathetic I thought they were, I would’ve hated them and never wanted them in my life. Unfortunately I started crying then and he told me that he was so sorry. That was on Sunday.

Yesterday, the BF called me again and we talked (we had decided to talk after confronting our SOs). Their conversation was worse and work wife admitted to her BF that she had feeling for my husband and she suspected that my husband had feelings for her too. They have kissed at the summer work party. I showed my husband the screenshot when he got home. He started to freak out telling me that yes, she did kiss him and he rebuffed her and told her that he wasn’t interested.

That was when she got nastier towards me. “So you knew she had a thing for you?” And he said yes. I asked him to show me his phone and he had deleted his conversation with her. He said it was because he was embarrassed. He didn’t tell me when the kiss happened and now he was afraid I would think it was more than what it was.

I asked him to move out and he is currently at his mother’s. He keeps saying that there’s nothing between them. That he loves me and would never cheat on me. That he will make her come clean to me. That he will quit his job and never see her again. I’m just so broken-hearted right now and all I want is to cry. Thank you for listening. I needed this.

Update 2:

Hi! I don’t feel comfortable making a new update on the true sub because honestly I’m embarrassed that I’m taking so much of your attention. Writing, however, has helped me a lot, like it’s therapy.

My husband showed up at my work today. He said that he has never felt so scared in his life like when he realized that he was losing me. He has contacted the BF, apologized to him and asked him to forward all the texts between him and work wife. He printed them and gave me everything. Over a year’s worth of texting. He told me when work wife confessed to her BF, she sent the text about admitting the kiss to her BF (the text I got a screenshot of). My husband panicked and deleted the whole conversation. But now he got everything from the BF and I could read it.

He also had brought a picture with him. Of him when he was young, 12-13ish with a girl. He said he searched [for] this picture now [that] he’s living with his mom. He told me that it was his favorite cousin and that she committed suicide when they were 16. She was bullied severely. I never heard my husband talk about this cousin. I know of her from his family but never that they were close or that her death devastated him. He said that he still wasn’t ready to discuss her but that now he needed to.

He admitted that when work wife started working for them [in] August 2021 he immediately bonded with her because she reminded him of his cousin. Both goofy, funny and extremely intelligent. They even looked alike a little (kind of true). The bond got stronger when work wife told him about her tough childhood and how she was bullied throughout school. How she suffered and contemplated suicide.

My husband said that he felt like he got his cousin back. Work wife knew that my husband was married (newly wed actually), and it didn’t seem to be a problem for her in the beginning. He admitted that he sensed that she was falling for him very soon but that he never really confronted her about it because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. When she saw me in a picture she got very angry with him and said that she was very disappointed in him. I looked the type that would bully people like her and my husband in high school. She was disappointed and asked him what he saw in me. He told her that he loved me but she was sour afterwards, accusing him of being shallow. He asked her to give me a chance at the Christmas party.

She didn’t change her opinion, however. He wasn’t bothered that she disliked me because he thought that she was jealous. He knew that she [had] decided on not giving me a chance and that was fine with him. He thought that this will be one of the things they will have to disagree on.

He is still adamant that he never kissed her back and he is adamant about getting the recording of that party. He said he pushed her, and after the party, he had a fight with her about boundaries and confronted her about her feelings. He told her that they could no longer be friends now that she had crossed the line. We went on a five-week vacation the day after that party, and he said that if I read the texts from that time, I would find that she had apologized several times asking for forgiveness, begging him not to ditch her as a friend.

After summer their relationship was strained but they eventually became closer again. He said he doesn’t know why he felt like she needed him in her life like she needed his protection. He always thought about being put in harm’s way and he couldn’t stand the thought. He swore it was never romantic or sexual. He admitted that he love[d] her like a friend or like if his cousin was still around.

He told me that he has handed in his resignation and will be seeking new jobs. He’s realized that he has to let work wife go. He admitted that he even now is worried about her. She is losing both her BF and him, but that he needs to remind himself that she is a grown-up woman and not his 16-year-old cousin. She’ll be fine. And about my fears that he loves me for how I look, he said that he is sorry if he ever made me feel that way and that it is far from the truth. When he think about us, he sees us growing old together and that prospect fills his heart with more love and joy.